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May 2011
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Ys [userpic]

Amy pointed out something interesting yesterday about me. Probably my number one struggle with relationships is that I need to feel needed and useful, but not used, and I am not very good at finding or maintaining that balance myself. I get frustrated if things consistently sit too far in either direction, and it's a boundary I am not good at maintaining with people I am truly close to.

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

I think everyone needs to feel needed and useful. When things are going well for all of you, it may not be as obvious how much they need you. Obviously if there were a crisis or need of some kind, you would be there, but there will be weeks when the need isn't being affirmed in that way.

Have you thought about volunteering, or some other kind of service? That might be a way to feel useful in a way that you have control about your level of giving. (That is, assuming you don't get carried away with it and ignore your/loved ones' needs)

Generally when I'm having an actual problem with this, it's in the "feeling used" direction rather than the not feeling needed direction.

Two things:

1. Sure, me too. I've been used and discarded a lot, and that's made it very difficult to handle that boundary.

2. Your mood icons are broken:


You don't have permission to access /lj/themes/HK/thoughtful.gif on this server.

Re: themes, ugh. I know why and it's not easily fixable.

Probably I should just set them to some default theme again.

That's definitely a delicate balance to hit. If you get used to asking people for help, then knowing when they start to get annoyed is tricky, while if you are used to not asking people for help, you aren't going to realize that it is frustrating someone when you don't. So it's not a balance that the people around you are going to hit automatically.