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May 2011
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Ys [userpic]

You know, I usually like kynn, but I do acknowledge there are occasionally times where she gets pretty damn strident.

The irony of the tone argument being used against her (particularly nastily) on a time when she was actually being pretty damn reasonable is not lost on me.

(I want a mood icon that captures "frustrated and angry and disappointed and sadly unsurprised and...")

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed

I have long since decided that I must find a Third Way on the tone argument. While I agree (strongly!) that

1. in almost all such cases the discussion is Not About Me and therefore I do not have the right to try to set the tone

and that

2. people who are on the receiving end of habitual discrimination and oppression in such discussions have certainly got the right to be as pissed off as they wanna be

I am nonetheless, like the person in your first link, quite nonplussed by the in-your-face or mad-as-hell style of activism; I believe in negotiation over confrontation. (I personally only get confrontational over trivial, meaningless things where I can shoot my mouth off harmlessly; topics like racism, to my mind, are too important to get into a shouting match about.)

So, when confronted by someone in the in-your-face school, my general tendency is to walk away and not participate in the discussion either for good or ill. I recognize that that, too, is part of the bag of white privilege - the ability to walk away - and I apologize for exploiting that privilege; on the other hand, I am, to the best of my ability, doing no harm. What I mean is, take that rage and go fire it at a place where it is better used.

As it happens, I have felt for many years now that the transgender elements are not welcome in the gay community, and I've seen no substantial evidence to counteract that, so my policy has been, well, you don't want me, I don't want you either, go fuck yourself. Probably not the most productive policy, but I don't believe the likes of John Aravosis can be reasoned with.

Ahh, tone, perception and what we are trying to convey...
I really hate it when someone says something cruel and controversial with the "innocent" - I'm just posing a question" method. I have WAY more respect for someone upfront.