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Ys
ysabel
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May 2011
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Ys [userpic]
General state of the Ys

Wishing for formatting in the subject so that I could do something like, "General state of the fairyYs" as a subject. Because I'm just in that sort of mood today. But ah well.

I'll miss this round of testing at Tae Kwon Do. Which is good and bad. Mostly good, really, but frustrating. The limitations of my body frustrate me; getting older, stuff like my teeth... Plus side, I can definitely use the time on conditioning and the like.

Work is feast or famine, which I rather enjoy overall. Means that sometimes things are hectic and sometimes they're pretty mellow, and I tend to work like that anyway, so it's only frustrating when I'm really needing downtime and it's hectic or vice versa. All told it's a good situation; I feel productive and appreciated.

Relationships are going reasonably well. We're all still adjusting to the change in dynamics from all of us being on meds, which is an interesting experience. Amy able to be productive most of the time is quite the sight. She is amazing. Joel is definitely struggling with the same issues with productivity and sleep that I am (I'll get to that in a moment), but he's also been incredibly perceptive and cool about several things lately. My sex drive is as high as ever but I've not been feeling up to doing anything recently (between the teeth pain and the side effects of the antibiotics I had to take after the extraction surgery), which is an annoying combination. Decided to play with myself anyway the other day and it couldn't have taken me more than 30 seconds (if that long) to get to the first orgasm, which I think is pretty indicative of how wound up I'm being. *grin*

My teeth still hurt, but I'm managing, and they are continuing to get a little better every day. I couldn't make it all the way through TKD class on Saturday, though, before my jaws were throbbing too painfully and I had to sit down for a bit. The combination of my lack of solid conditioning and everything still reacting badly to my blood pressure rising some is one of those body limitation things I have no patience with.

Current events are depressing. I don't think there's much more to say on that front right now.

Not sleeping very well still. I feel pretty slow today; I doubt I'd be even vaguely functional today without the stimulants. I'm only managing vaguely with them. I need to make myself just go to bed at like 7 pm and get 12 hours of sleep and see if that helps. Will I manage this? Probably not. But it would be good if I could. Maybe I can try some DDR when I get home tonight and tire myself out and that'll help.

One big positive effect of the meds is that I can get a lot more done; my average days are on a par with what my good days used to be like, without any real drop in my productivity on my best days. Even my low-functioning days are not bad by previous standards, but I have the perspective to look back at my previous standards and go, "Buh?" I mean, I felt crappy most of the weekend and I still managed to get a couple of major projects done or worked on and several minor ones to boot, even with taking some down time to just play. I need to figure out how to get over some of the old patterns of "I must be unrelenting or I won't ever get anything done," because it makes it hard to acknowledge my successes, and it's no longer true. I do get things done, even when I'm feeling crappy, and my "bare minimum I can manage" these days is still pretty good. But it's easy to look at all of the things on my own internal todo list (much less the household one) and go, "Augh, I'm not getting anything done!" when that's not really true.

I wouldn't mind about 72 more hours in the day, though. I am so much more aware of the days where work leaves me too tired to do any of the things I care about in the evening. Or worse, not quite too tired, so I stay up until 2 am trying to do one or the other thing I actually care about when I have time, and then I don't get enough sleep, and then work is more tiring the next day, and then... Yeah. That.

All that said, I'm actually spending most of my time feeling at least content, and much of that something like happy. (As Denis Leary comments much more prosaiacally, happiness is fleeting.) I am having the energy to pursue things like Tae Kwon Do and actually be frustrated at the physical limitations and put some energy into doing something about it. I am on-and-off contributing (if less than I'd like) to open source projects like JBoss and Ruby on Rails. Our domain controller at home filled up its disk with a misconfigured backup this weekend, which could've been bad, as that's where our household Quicken data lives and Quicken doesn't deal all that well with being unable to write to disk; I had the energy to not only fix the system, I fixed the backup (which I'd screwed up in the first place) and got SNMP in place on both that machine and another machine to start monitoring issues and yelling at us to fix it so we'd not run into the same situation in the future. (And explored Net-SNMP enough to decide it didn't yet have what I wanted, and grabbed the source and looked at what it would take to add what I need. I may yet do that; it's pretty straightforward.) I've gotten a huge amount done around the house lately, and the garage was clean enough this weekend that I could work on a major project in there.

So, yeah, that's about it right now.

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Current Mood: tiredtired
Comments

Yes and no. Yes the same meds (at a higher dose) and also some other things. Long story but we may have found a combination of things that really fix a lot of the outstanding issues, including chronic pain things.