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May 2011
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Ys [userpic]

Tonight I am feeling all meepy and insecure, for no apparent reason.

It sucks. It's quite frustrating that even when I am generally content and even happy with my life, I still struggle with times where I just feel...I don't know. Not up to facing reality. Intimidated. Overwhelmed.

I easily get into the whole 'I'm worthless and lazy and defiant and stupid and and and' litany at times like these. I look at my struggles with task breakdown and self motivation and organization and even knowing that they're symptoms and I'm working on them and doing what I can with them, it's hard not to turn that into the same things I've heard all my life.

This is exactly the sort of mental state that makes me want to go hide in things like ageplay and powerplay, and that regularly scares me. I don't want to be doing those sorts of things as an escape, as a negative. I want them to be positive things in my life.

Maybe I'll go blow some stuff up or something.

(Side-meta-note: I have used a lot of Utena icons today. Guess I'm having an Utena sort of day...)

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

I hate that. I felt like that all morning and got out of it kinda by the afternoon but still wasn't up to too much, so I bailed on studio a little early and came home. And curled up beside Anna and napped. That's sometimes helpful for me. ^_^

I know what you mean. I fall into that trap, sometimes. A lot of people do.

Maybe try thinking up as many positive things about yourself as you can? Make it a goal and write a list of them. Sometimes it helps to turn our focus to something that gives us hope instead of worry.

Hope you feel better soon.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful wonderful fairy viking named Debs.

She went out for a walk on Bifrost. It was a stormy day. A stormcloud whooshed by. She took two steps, then stepped sideways, then took two steps forward again. Another stormcloud whooshed by. She took a couple of steps sideways. It was just like Frogger.

Then a stormcloud whooshed up and collided with her. It got stuck around her head! Everywhere she looked there was storm.

She walked into Thor's bedroom. There might have been something going on. There might not have been. She couldn't tell. There was a lot of storm.

"Now there's rain all over my infinitely renewable goats," Thor said.

There was a click and a clack. The goats were playing chess.

The viking fairy walked into Freya's bedroom. There might have been something going on. There might not have been. She couldn't tell. There was a lot of storm.

"Now I have rain in my hair," Freya said.

There was a glint and a ting. Even through the cloud, the hair shone like the sun.

The wonderful fairy walked into the desert of Tin ali I'in, which had not had rain in many years. There might have been a grand civilization slowly dying of drought there. There might not have been. She couldn't tell. There was a lot of storm.

"Now the terrible civilization-destroying drought is broken," the people of Tin ali I'in said.

The beautiful viking walked into, or at least above, the ocean.

"Now it's raining all over my ocean," the fish said.

"I'm sorry," said the fairy.

"No, it's okay," the fish said. "We'll manage. Somehow."

Really, the whole affair was kind of embarrassing for the fairy, except for the Tin ali I'in part, which was, by any reasonable analysis, really rather cool.

*hugs gently*