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May 2011
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Ys [userpic]
Why do you say you need to shut the fuck up, Ysabel?

For the record, I am a racist asshole because I said I'd actually like to know who's reading my journal.

That's what has me annoyed. There was no particular reason for me to say anything, because really I was talking about a tiny technical (programming) issue, but it blew up into this huge thing about race and as far as I can tell, my attempts to pull it back to the tiny technical thing made everyone in the thread think I was saying things I wasn't.

I was married into a Sioux family for a while. I have familial experience with things like forced sterilization via that. My extended family there knows what it's like to be called "prairie nigger" and I've personally had to deal with being on the non-white side of some pretty harsh race issues.

I've been gaybashed, including physically.

I've been turned down for a senior-level position because I am a woman.

But because I couldn't bring myself to just shut up when it was clear that the people I was talking to weren't interested in hearing what I had to say, there's now a group of folks who think pretty negatively of me. Because I stuck my nose in when there was no real reason to in the first place, someone I consider a friend hates my guts now.

Her husband appears to still be reading my journal, but who knows how long that will last.


Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

I know there's not much I can say, cept that I'm in that boat with you. I had a time, before, when I just didn't know enough to shut the fuck up, but that blew over, with me kissing a lotta butt to get that over with. This time, I didn't even post under that, even though I wanted to, but because of my comments on yours, and then mine, I too.. well, yeah. Anyway, I don't hate your guts, and I think that you are very intelligent in what you say. I know that doesn't help too much, I'm kinda upset over this myself... but... anyway, good luck.

I don't know what to say. I missed the whole exchange. I know I really like both of you a lot, and reading what you write...

(no subject) - (Anonymous)
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

Pardon me for not succumbing to the current angsty-drama

Yeah, I should be able to do the same.

I can't. I've lost sleep over this, I've cried over this.

I'm being an idiot about it and I know it. I should just write it all off.

But I can't.

Stupid fucking me.

Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

Do I care? No.

You have no idea how much I wish I could say that right about now.

One would think I'd learn.

Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

Do I think you "get it"? No.

What don't I "get"? That what the people harrassing her and her friends are doing is offensive as all hell? That the words they're using and the way they're using them is emotional violence? That the LJ Abuse team isn't doing their jobs?

I agreed with all of these statements up front, and tried to state them several times when it was clear people were trying to convince me that this stuff was offensive. I NEVER SAID IT WASN'T.

I think they're a bunch of racist asshats who need their nads ripped off and shoved down their throats. I think they're getting their kicks doing the equivalent of swinging a big sword around and enjoying watching people bleed.

I thought that from the start.

So what is it that I'm not "getting"?

Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

*sighs* I... I wish I could really say something that would help. :( I'm sorry, though, for my part. I'm afraid that perhaps I was the one who pushed her over the edge, and if that's what did it, I'm really really sorry to have lost you your friend. I'm going to miss reading, but... at least I haven't gotten to tears from it. I'm sorry:(

(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

Oh, god, not you too.

Please tell me where in there I insulted your wife and her friends?! I said they were right! I said I agreed with them!

Please tell me where in there I tried to push you into an argument?!


(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

You called them "a bunch of racist asshats who need their nads ripped off and shoved down their throats".

No, I called the people who were harrassing them that. I think that about the people who do shit like put "nigger" in their username just to harrass people.

I think your wife and friends were justified in being upset at the asshats who were/are harrassing them.

Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

But instead you tried to get me to continue the argument you were having with them.

That wasn't my intent, and I'm sorry it sounded like that.

More than anything, I was feeling like I was being completely misunderstood by Fae and her friends and by you, and I was more than a little frustrated at that.

Slamming the people who were harrassing your wife and then getting told that that was somehow insulting to your wife just compounded that.

I had a long talk with Fae in email last night and I think we got most of that sorted out. If I've offended you as well, even accidentally, I'm sorry.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Re: "My name is Paul, and that's between y'all"

Yes, definitely. :)

*hugs* Dunno what else to say.

Some people just like to get offended so that they can complain, and then don't want to work it out, simply so they can play "teh victim."

I'm not sure if this is what's going on, but it does sound that way. I know it hurts, but it has happened to the best of us. And it's not your fault if you are trying to work it out and they don't want to listen. It's hard not to blame yourself and not feel sad, but try to remember that some people are just extremely insecure and others just don't care about anything at all. Both frustrate me, but it's their way of coping with life. We all do it in some way.

So.. I hope you do feel better. Try to give it some time. Usually, people will get over this type of thing eventually. Once they realize how silly it was. If not.. It's their loss for not having you as a friend any more. And I don't think you're missing much for not having to deal with this kind of behavior from a "friend."

Hope that doesn't seem too harsh, but it's just something I've learned over time..

Don't worry Deb, you still have lotsa good friends that support you. :-) Don't waste energy on people who don't appreciate how much you are worth!